Life after failure..?

It might be the blanket-like media coverage of the closure of News of the World that’s done it, but I suspect it’s more likely because my partner and I have chosen the same moment in time to cast off the shackles of a regular salary and become self employed – but ideas about failure have been strangely prominent in my mind just lately. Yesterday, I read an article about the upside of failure that pointed out that failing leads to wisdom, personal growth, resilience and compassion. Wired magazine regularly points out that in the world of science and technology, failures provide learning opportunities that can result in spectacular success. However, as we all know, failure is definitely not a direct route to any of these things, and can, in fact, be an overwhelmingly negative experience. So what’s the difference between those who fail and grow, and those who fail and stop?

What happens when you go for a job interview but don’t get asked back? Do you blame the poor job description or the fact that you were nervous and tongue-tied? What about if you fail to deliver a promised project on time? Were the client’s expectations unrealistic – or did you just slack off? How about if you’re a billionaire media mogul about to lose a deal to control a satellite broadcaster? Is it because of a left-wing conspiracy or because of your own unethical behaviour? Your “explanatory style” has a lot to do with how you will answer these questions, and how you will go on to act in the future.

Generally, if something bad happens to you, you will look for reasons in your own mind to explain why. If your mind immediately says “Bad stuff always happens to me!”, we might conclude that your explanation is pretty pervasive – it touches all areas of your life. If your thoughts also ran to “It’s my fault, I didn’t do X, or, I should have done Y…” we might decide that your attributions are personal. Thirdly, if you conclude that the causes of the failure are permanent… “There’s no use trying, I may as well give up!”, psychologists will determine that your overall explanatory style is pessimistic, rather than optimistic. Having a pessimistic explanatory style is an excellent predictor of a negative response to failure. If you fail in a test, and decide that it’s because you’re stupid (permanent) and didn’t study hard enough (personal), and that you fail in everything you do (pervasive), then chances are, you’re going to drop out of uni and grab the first job that you can get.

Someone with an optimistic explanatory style, however, having received exactly the same mark on the test, may decide that “This subject is not my strong point” (not pervasive), “It was a badly written test” (not permanent) and “my flatmates were partying all night before the test, I didn’t get any sleep” (not personal)!  Do you think this person will drop out?

Your own personal explanatory style is something that has been shaped by your personality, your prior experience, and by the way you were parented. If it’s not working for you, it can be shifted. If you think yours might be holding you back, please email me at heather@mindsightpsychology.com.au or phone me on 0409 224 950 to discuss how psychology can help you.